recalcitranttoy: (Default)
It's Astounding
Scope is creeping
Crashes, take their toll
But listen closely - not for very much longer
We're losing job control

I remember, breaking the software
Dreading, those moments when
The blue screen would hit me, and the testers are calling
Let's Break the Software Again!

It's just a shift to the left
Registry pointer's not ri-i-i-i-ight
Curses rise to your lips
Testing's going all night
It's segmentation faults
That really drive you in-sa-a-a-a-ane
Let's Break the Software Again
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
This morning, a small green feathered creatures looked at me earnestly and said, "I'm a BIRD!"

Well, all righty then!
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
As a public service to my vast number of readers (both of you), I have decided that it is necessary to teach useful phrases in foreign languages that you may need on your travels, especially if you are stranded in a strange country or time period by plumes of volcanic ash. For today's language, I have chosen the most important Arameic. The pronunciation is dutifully written so that you can learn how to say these important phrases with confidence:

Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn!
Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn.

Een, Yuudaayaa naa, ellaa b-haw yawmaa laa hweeth ba-mdeetaa.
Yes I'm Jewish, but I wasn't there that day.

Da'ek teleyfoon methta'naanaak, pquud. Guudaapaw!
Please turn off your mobile phone. It is blasphemous.

Puuee men Preeshey, puuee!
Boo, Pharises! Boo!
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
"If this is the looney bin, someone has to be Jesus, someone has to be Napoleon, and someone has to be Kaiser Sose."
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
I just misread a tweet that Conan was going to TBS as some reference to Conan goes to TSA, creating a ridiculous picture inside my head of Conan the Barbarian checking carry on luggage.

Conan: You are only allowed 100 ml of liquid. This is much more than that
*takes out sword, slices bottle in half, contents trickles into bag contents*
Pax: Wait a minute! You just ruined my stuff!
Conan: No
*takes out sword, slices bag in half*
Conan: Now I have ruined your stuff.
Next pax in line: OMG! He's using the METRIC SYSTEM!!!
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
Much ado about Ricky Martin "coming out" complete with the normal nonsensical DJ banter. It was just about all they were talking about at the time, when a request for a public service announcement came over.

"In light of the recent news that Ricky Martin was coming out as gay, the Orkney Public Library would like to come out as a place to borrow books."

Bwaa ha ha haaaaaa
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
In what has become a strange tradition, the Vatican's Midnight Melee, starring last year's champion Pope Tipper, Susanna Maiolo, was again broadcast worldwide to adoring fans. As she was escorted from the scene by brightly colored Midnight Melee ushers, Maiolo was heard exlaiming "See you next year!" Given last year's absolution as a reward for her victory, it could indeed happen.

Vatican officials shrugged off the notion that future Pontiffs be chosen with an eye towards untippability, however this reporter could not help but notice how many seminaries are now including mixed martial arts curriculae along with traditional fare. After a recent cage match at Boston College, priest to be Paddy O'Scrapper said this was more fun than hearing confession, and the new program would be certain to attract more young men to the priesthood. "Not only that, but it keeps us in great shape," O'Scrapper exclaimed.

The Holy See also refused to comment on the rumor that the Pope has declared "We're Not Gonna Take It" as the official song of the papacy. "We will not reveal our strategy for next year," said a senior official who asked not to be identified.

Clandestine video shot of the Pontiff with his personal trainer has been pulled from YouTube. Exercise equipment manufacturer Bowflex answered our inquiries about shipments to Vatican City with a terse "Even the Pope can have a Bowflex body."
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
I finally figured it out. A breakthrough in science.

Ever wonder about all those people who are with just the *wrong* person [tm]? Everyone can see it but them. The whole "can't you see s/he" is an idiot? Well no, they can't. I used to think it was because "love is blind" but that really isn't the case. It's viral. Yes friends, teh stupid is CONTAGIOUS!

That "wooshing" sound you hear is the sound of your IQ being sucked out of your ears by the not so rare and highly contagious 1D I0 T virus. Beware of the following symptoms:

1) Placing an order after watching a Billy Mays commercial because the product "just might work"
2) Watching FoxNews
3) Appearing on FoxNews, Jerry Springer, or COPS
4) Being injured while driving a motorized barstool (Yep, had to be NJ)
5) Building your own DIY cannon
6) Developmental age < chronological age/5
7) Number of children > Developmental age
8) Belief in "creation science"

If you have any of the above symptoms, you must immediately find friends who do not exhibit any of those symptoms. Better yet, take a class at the nearest Ivy League university for a quick fix. Reading a book will not work, as Otto found out in "A Fish Called Wanda."
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
This is the latest voice mail message transposed from Google Voice:

Ring, Ring, just Road, Room man planned on signing up your but it sounds so I need to critical, so it's not exactly. I'm away from. I need point temperate to 4 times, all of them. I suppose if you wanted. This is an invitation to come up 11 Hey stop by on the way, I just can't give it some thought, I've. But anyway, have, and I'm in the world, so I'll talk to you later man.
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
Because the map was upside down.

And thus I was late.

North is up. Have a nice day :-)
recalcitranttoy: (Luppy)
Oh you know that feeling you get when you see someone, and you SWEAR that you think that person looks like someone else. And you think and you think...and you see them again and get the same feeling. And this may recur over a few months, and then in a blinding flash of clarity you realize...

This person has a face just like LUPPY!

As the ton of bricks hits me on the head.
recalcitranttoy: (condoms aren't safe)
So there I was, no shit, driving towards work, and there was this flashy blinky temporary road sign set up in the median.

Screen 1: Yield to Pedestrians
Screen 2: Think of the impact you might have. of these things is not like the others....:-)
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
33 people since Sunday have been using the Fling Monkey Pooh application on Facebook. I'm only friends with 20 of them. Who are these other 13 sick fucks? And why can't *I*, the application's writer, "unlock" all of the forms of pooh? There's something wrong with this picture?

Too Funny!

Feb. 3rd, 2009 12:55 pm
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
I was googling the lyrics for Monty Python's "How sweet to be an idiot" song and...

But suddenly a scream
Smashes through my dream
I smell the blood of an ass item
I smell the blood of an ass item
Hey you
You're such a peasent
You got as much brain as a dead ant
As much imagination as a cat outside

What the hell is an "ass item?" I'm really quite confused. The real lyrics, of course are "I smell the blood of an asylum" which is quite different I'm certain than an "ass item."

Still giggling in my little cube. Hopefully nobody will notice.
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
Nazi Zombies! RUN!

I think perhaps the funniest part was the newscaster reporting that OMG, there are WEBSITES that tell you how to hack signs! *boggle* As if this was news.
recalcitranttoy: (grinch)
A Blessed Solstice and a happy Yule to all who choose to accept. Solstice is the reason for the season. Or wait, was that the earth's rotation on its axis making us further from the sun and throwing us into winter but now it's getting better...I get so CONFUSED.
recalcitranttoy: (Default)
Stolen from [ profile] la_penguinita Click on the picture to see the whole show's worth. Most amusing.

Stolen from RS

Click Loudoun County's Latest Alerts and scroll down a bit. I'll try to archive it before they take it down.


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