In what has become a strange tradition, the Vatican's Midnight Melee, starring last year's champion Pope Tipper, Susanna Maiolo, was again broadcast worldwide to adoring fans. As she was escorted from the scene by brightly colored Midnight Melee ushers, Maiolo was heard exlaiming "See you next year!" Given last year's absolution as a reward for her victory, it could indeed happen.
Vatican officials shrugged off the notion that future Pontiffs be chosen with an eye towards untippability, however this reporter could not help but notice how many seminaries are now including mixed martial arts curriculae along with traditional fare. After a recent cage match at Boston College, priest to be Paddy O'Scrapper said this was more fun than hearing confession, and the new program would be certain to attract more young men to the priesthood. "Not only that, but it keeps us in great shape," O'Scrapper exclaimed.
The Holy See also refused to comment on the rumor that the Pope has declared "We're Not Gonna Take It" as the official song of the papacy. "We will not reveal our strategy for next year," said a senior official who asked not to be identified.
Clandestine video shot of the Pontiff with his personal trainer has been pulled from YouTube. Exercise equipment manufacturer Bowflex answered our inquiries about shipments to Vatican City with a terse "Even the Pope can have a Bowflex body."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
