The Adventures of Recalcitrant Toy

It's Astounding
Scope is creeping
Crashes, take their toll
But listen closely - not for very much longer
We're losing job control

I remember, breaking the software
Dreading, those moments when
The blue screen would hit me, and the testers are calling
Let's Break the Software Again!

It's just a shift to the left
Registry pointer's not ri-i-i-i-ight
Curses rise to your lips
Testing's going all night
It's segmentation faults
That really drive you in-sa-a-a-a-ane
Let's Break the Software Again

As a public service to my vast number of readers (both of you), I have decided that it is necessary to teach useful phrases in foreign languages that you may need on your travels, especially if you are stranded in a strange country or time period by plumes of volcanic ash. For today's language, I have chosen the most important Arameic. The pronunciation is dutifully written so that you can learn how to say these important phrases with confidence:

Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn!
Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn.

Een, Yuudaayaa naa, ellaa b-haw yawmaa laa hweeth ba-mdeetaa.
Yes I'm Jewish, but I wasn't there that day.

Da'ek teleyfoon methta'naanaak, pquud. Guudaapaw!
Please turn off your mobile phone. It is blasphemous.

Puuee men Preeshey, puuee!
Boo, Pharises! Boo!

I just misread a tweet that Conan was going to TBS as some reference to Conan goes to TSA, creating a ridiculous picture inside my head of Conan the Barbarian checking carry on luggage.

Conan: You are only allowed 100 ml of liquid. This is much more than that
*takes out sword, slices bottle in half, contents trickles into bag contents*
Pax: Wait a minute! You just ruined my stuff!
Conan: No
*takes out sword, slices bag in half*
Conan: Now I have ruined your stuff.
Next pax in line: OMG! He's using the METRIC SYSTEM!!!

In what has become a strange tradition, the Vatican's Midnight Melee, starring last year's champion Pope Tipper, Susanna Maiolo, was again broadcast worldwide to adoring fans. As she was escorted from the scene by brightly colored Midnight Melee ushers, Maiolo was heard exlaiming "See you next year!" Given last year's absolution as a reward for her victory, it could indeed happen.

Vatican officials shrugged off the notion that future Pontiffs be chosen with an eye towards untippability, however this reporter could not help but notice how many seminaries are now including mixed martial arts curriculae along with traditional fare. After a recent cage match at Boston College, priest to be Paddy O'Scrapper said this was more fun than hearing confession, and the new program would be certain to attract more young men to the priesthood. "Not only that, but it keeps us in great shape," O'Scrapper exclaimed.

The Holy See also refused to comment on the rumor that the Pope has declared "We're Not Gonna Take It" as the official song of the papacy. "We will not reveal our strategy for next year," said a senior official who asked not to be identified.

Clandestine video shot of the Pontiff with his personal trainer has been pulled from YouTube. Exercise equipment manufacturer Bowflex answered our inquiries about shipments to Vatican City with a terse "Even the Pope can have a Bowflex body."

This is the latest voice mail message transposed from Google Voice:

Ring, Ring, just Road, Room man planned on signing up your but it sounds so I need to critical, so it's not exactly. I'm away from. I need point temperate to 4 times, all of them. I suppose if you wanted. This is an invitation to come up 11 Hey stop by on the way, I just can't give it some thought, I've. But anyway, have, and I'm in the world, so I'll talk to you later man.

Oh man...do you know that feeling you get when you see someone, and you SWEAR that you think that person looks like someone else. And you think and you think...and you see them again and get the same feeling. And this may recur over a few months, and then in a blinding flash of clarity you realize...

This person has a face just like LUPPY!

As the ton of bricks hits me on the head.

33 people since Sunday have been using the Fling Monkey Pooh application on Facebook. I'm only friends with 20 of them. Who are these other 13 sick fucks? And why can't *I*, the application's writer, "unlock" all of the forms of pooh? There's something wrong with this picture?

Nazi Zombies! RUN!

I think perhaps the funniest part was the newscaster reporting that OMG, there are WEBSITES that tell you how to hack signs! *boggle* As if this was news.

Doctor Who Does Macs